Wedding DayMy husband and I are celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this Friday. This is of course the anniversary of our first marriage! Our re-marriage isn’t a year old yet! (Soon!) But when we were deciding which day we would celebrate our marriage on we decided the first anniversary was more appropriate. Even though we have been on and off and on again we feel very much as though we have been married for 10 years not 8 months. We certainly do not need to celebrate all of the important dates every year! Although a bottle of wine may be uncorked on October 7th this year!

There is a special kind of excitement inside me for this upcoming event. Not because we are doing anything unusually special but because we went through a lot to get to this moment in our marriage. I feel like we have learned a lifetime of lessons in our 13 years together (and not together). I keep toying with the idea of writing a book about us and what we went through and put each other through to get to where we are now but I can never figure out where to start. Maybe at the end and then work our way backwards?! In the meantime I find myself often wanting to blog about how wonderful my husband is and how happy we are now. I am sure you are all sick of reading about it but since I am floating around in a big marital bliss bubble this week, you all get to hear about it one more time!

I thought I might share some of the little things that make us work so nicely as a couple:

  •  We laugh A LOT! With each other and at each other! And you had better be prepared to laugh at yourself if you are going to be a happy person in general. As humans we do strange things sometimes and without any reason or explanation and your spouse will at some point catch you doing it. I usually get caught dancing in the kitchen while I am cooking dinner. Inevitably Bruce is standing in the entrance way watching and laughing at me. I get him back by making him dance with me!
  • We say what we mean and mean what we say. This was one that I really had to learn how to do. I pretty much had to remove the word nothing from my vocabulary. If he asks me what’s wrong I tell him right then and there. None of this cryptic, one word answer BS. Now don’t miss judge me! I’m still a woman and I am sure much of what I say still baffles him!
  • Along with saying what we mean we don’t let things fester. There is a time and a place of course, but I really make an effort not to let the little things that piss me off sit for too long before I say something. It’s amazing how small things can be when you don’t let them sit in the back of your head and eat away at you. This includes big things too. If you are afraid to have a conversation because you think it will be the end of your relationship then you probably need to take a bigger look at your relationship.
  • Even though we are parents we don’t let it define us as a couple. We have great kids and we love to spend time with them. We sit at the table and eat dinner 6 days a week (they usually go to Bubby’s on Saturday!) and we really do make great “parenting partners”. However, we really make an effort to be an “us” often. Even if that means a game of cribbage at the kitchen table while the kids are reading before bed or curling up to catch up on our television shows. If you have little ones do it after bed time, but make time. (And if you don’t have a Bubby or a wonderful family member that loves to hang out with the kids every once in a while then find a neighborhood teenager that the kids like and take some time for your selves!)
  • Bruce is really good about leaving work at work. Sometimes its extra difficult for him because his office is in our house but he really separates us from his everyday work stress. This is really important to our relationship because we tend to feed off of each others moods, meaning if he is in a bad mood then it starts to put me in a bad mood and vis-a-versa. Not that we expect one another to always be in a good mood but being aware of how our attitudes affect each other has been very helpful.
  • Another thing that we have really had to work at over the years is letting each other have time to ourselves without guilt. That may mean Bruce sitting in front of the PS3 playing Call of Duty (which he is doing right now!) or one of us going out for drinks with friends for a couple hours. Whatever it is we give each other that space without guilt and it makes for a wonderful argument free experience. Everyone needs time to themselves not just you!

I am sure I could go on and on about the many different things that I love about our relationship but I am sure it would get very boring! What I really would like to instill in those that care to read my little blog is that in order to have a good spouse you have to be a good spouse and there is no short cut. It’s really hard. It’s not supposed to be easy. I often think of a line from the movie The Notebook (I know, so girly of me to quote this movie!); Noah says, “So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.” That’s what it’s all about.